From "Die For You" To Hardest To Love

I know who I am. I could be better. Sorry, maybe I’m not the most beautiful woman or hot in your imagine too. but I have value and commitment to life and love. 

Seven years ago, after my last relationship ended. I made a pact with myself. That I will never date somebody. Who did not meet my standard again? Don't settle for less just because it's available. 

My last relationship taught me that the more chances you give someone, the less they value you. They're not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what, you won't walk away. Never let someone get too comfortable with disrespecting you. Love yourself first. 

I am at a point in my life. Where I no longer have expectations. I just have requirements; Respect my time; Match my effort; Keep your word; and always be honest and stay consistent. These are requirements, not expectations. 

We talk a lot about trust in our relationships because we want to develop it. We know how challenging it is to rebuild a broken bond and put ourself-back together again. We gave each other reassurance and validated our authentic emotions. But, it wasn’t enough.

It seems like talking about trust without marking limits is most of the time empty talk. It might be challenging to bring up discussions about boundaries, but without them, we are less likely to enjoy a healthy relationship.

In my opinion, boundaries in relationships are important, without setting boundaries, there can never be trust, and we can lose our work-life balance. Boundaries are a pillar of success in any relationship. It sets the groundwork for happy relationships filled with love, trust, and respect. Setting boundaries helps us know what's expected in the relationship, how we can respect each other’s personal space, comfort level, and limits, and it helps us feel safer to open up. From there, true connection and intimacy can bloom. A boundary is not that at which something stops, but that from which something begins. A relationship that doesn’t have agreements and boundaries in place to keep it safe and secure has nothing to protect it from life’s storms that inevitably come.

I have value and commitment to life and love. I know, perhaps this isn't important to you and you have every right to make your own decisions. but for me healthy boundaries will spare my energy and preserve my dignity. you ask why? the answer is not because I don't trust you, doubt you, or you are worthless to me.

Trauma is not an excuse and well, It's not a free pass to hurt others too. I can feel for them and also stand up for myself when I have been disrespected. I will never let someone manipulate me. I don't have time for your free time or your second choice. prioritize me or leave me alone. you can tell me about that.

Beats me, what problems occurred in your relationship before, so you feel sensitive, can't be trusted, and have no value in it? If you want this to be a healing experience for you and a relationship-bonding opportunity, you need to assume that your partner didn't have harmful intentions. You need to treat him respectfully and not blame him for your feelings. I also still love you.

"Hati yang menunggu akan bertekuk lutut pada hati yang berusaha"

Masih ingat seberapa seriusnya masa pendekatan kita dulu? bukan waktu yang sebentar dan jika diingat semacam sesi bersama auditor yang memverifikasi dokumen dengan detail. pertanyaan berlembar -lembar untuk mencari apa yang tidak sama, karena pengalaman pahit dihidup membuatku tidak ingin jatuh di titik yang sama berulang kali. Penerimaan terhadap hal - hal yang tidak sama, membangun diskusi atau debat lebih tepatnya, sampai akhirnya ada komitmen satu sama lain. Aku terlena dengan pemikiran dan hasrat bahwa aku telah menemukan rumah, membuka diri berharap pada manusia. Maaf, akan semua pemikiran dan prinsip yang begitu teguh kupegang, aku menyadari terprogram menjadi manusia realistis, karena banyak sekali ketakutan dan kekhawatiran yang kumiliki sejatinya aku sendiri tidak dapat mendefinisikannya.

"I wish I could tell you how much I like you. I miss you. When I close my eyes, I see you. When I open my eyes I want to see you. I always feel your presence all around me. My eyes search for my love, every moment. You can call this madness or my heartbeat, it’s the same for me. Life is a choice, right? Hmm ... I want you always stay in my life. I always tell you if I don't know why I trust you,  but I do. Sure, I don't know about you. who are you?"

Apa yang menurut kita terbaik mungkin belum terbaik menurut Tuhan. Usai disini, dua hair lagi menuju perayaan hari penuh cinta, satu hal yang terlepas dari pembahasan kita dan memantapkan diri dengan kata cukup, aku tidak punya keberanian untuk mencoba dan terus melangkah. pikirku kembali kepada apa yang selama ini menjadi doa yang dipanjatkan. Aku selalu berdoa untuk segala sesuatunya diwaktu yang tepat, perkara cepat adalah bonus dari Tuhan. Kalau memang bukan jalannya, yasudah selesaikan. Tidak perlu mencari jalan atau terlalu banyak pemakluman, nanti jadi berat menjalani kehidupan bersama. sangat realistis, kan?

If indeed you can not accept my reason. That’s okay, no matter what you do, I will follow you until the end. I trust you made a good decision for our relationship. I respect that you know what you want. Yeah, we're better off like this, being friends. I don't want to get hurt and invest in an incomplete relationship. Sorry, if our relationship didn't work out. Thank you for everything. Take care and I wish you all happiness ❤️

Terimakasih sudah menggoreskan warna, sehingga kembali berwarna meskipun itu hanya sebentar.

Terimakasih telah memberikanku ruang untuk tumbuh berprogress mendapatkan pembelajaran agar menjadi manusia yang lebih baik lagi. 

Entahlah aku sediri belum memikirkan akan bagaimana selanjutnya, perkara hati aku tidak punya rencana layaknyanya perihal kehidupan lainnya. apakah kembali menjadi manusia dengan hardest to love mode?.